Tearing Myself Apart
by Rationality
Summary: The Kyuubi begins to drag Naruto to the darkest corners of his own mind, and the ninja population become very aware of Naruto's mental state. NaruSaku
1. Nightmares

Tearing Myself Apart

Chapter One: Nightmares

* * *

"Sakura..." His lips trembled as he stared at the sight before him. There stood Sasuke with that very girl under his blade. She turned to look at the boy with pleading eyes.

"Naruto, Help me." Gentle drop streaked down her face.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk Naruto you're already too late." Sasuke smiled and his sword pierced Sakura's chest. Naruto watched in horror as the love of his life was murdered in front of him. Sasuke pulled his blade from Sakura's body.

"Naru..." Sakura went limp and fell to the ground. Naruto ran to her as fast as he could screaming out her name. He fell to his knees as he reached her lifeless body. He raised his hands shakily as he caressed her face searching for some kind of life.

"Why?" He looked up at Sasuke with tears streaming down his face. "WHY!?"

Sasuke looked at him oddly and said "Why? Because you are weak. Naruto, you're pathetic. You couldn't even save the person you love most."

"Shut up."

"There's no escaping the truth. You're a dobe and always will be. You're not even worth killing." Sasuke merely turned his back and walked on.

"Sasuke! Come back here!" He sobbed aloud. Naruto watched his figure disappear and then turned back to Sakura. "You didn't deserve this. You weren't suppose to die. I... I love you Sakura-chan." He wished this weren't real. He wanted to get away from everything. Naruto didn't want the responsibility of having a Jinchuuriki. The lone boy slouched over and grasped his head.

He screamed for...

Naruto rose from his sleep, coughing. He keeled over his bed and vomited the contents of his stomach onto the floor. The blond boy wipe his mouth and sighed.

The blond boy rose from his bed with an large headache. Throughout the boy's mind was a hollow laughter riveting through his mind. He fell to his knees and grunted from the intense pain coursing through his head. His blue eyes squeezed shut trying to ignore the pain. Then a sensation of relief washed over him and he gasped for air as the pain lifted.

'What's wrong boy? Having some bad dreams?" The fox in his head laughed mockingly.

Naruto ignored the demonic voice and propped himself up by the nearest wall. He hadn't slept properly in a few weeks. He would often wake up from these horrid nightmares. On occasion, everyone has a nightmare, but these seemed to plague him with an undying fervor. They were always so lucid and realistic. The thing that they all had in common, and what scared him the most, was that they were all about Sakura's death.

* * *

"Hmph!" Sakura had not seen Naruto in a couple of weeks. She had checked Ichiraku, but they said he hadn't been there the last couple of days. The odd thing was that Sakura had bumped into him on the street at the market...

_Flashback_

"Forehead! C'mon get up. You promised me you help me pick out some dresses damn it and you're going to!" Ino banged at her front door.

"Alright, alright! Calm down Ino-Pig."

"Cheer up, Sakura. It's your day off. Try to have some fun!" Ino spoke as she grabbed Sakura's arm and sped off.

Once they reached the market Sakura had lost track of Ino. She seemed a bit crazed as she went on a shopping spree from hell. Sakura caught sight of the blond in the distance at a rather expensive looking store. Sakura would have to put the blond haired girl down before she ran her self into the ground. Financially, of course.

"Ino! In... Ugh!" Sakura groaned as her bottom hit the floor. She looked up to see her teammate.

"Naruto?" Their eyes met and he stared at her with his mouth agape. Sakura stood up and dusted herself off. She returned her gaze to her teammate and noticed that he look somewhat scared, like he had seen a ghost. "Naruto are you..."

"I'm so sorry, Sakura." Naruto cut her off. He averted his eyes from her own. "I should have been looking where I was going."

"Don't worry, I'm fine, but are..."

"Sakura, I um... I... I... really gotta go." He cut her off once again with a meek whisper and began running into the distance.

"Okay..." Sakura stared at his disappearing figure.

"Forehead! Hello? You there?" Sakura jumped at the somewhat loud voice of her boisterous friend. "Jeez. What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." She responded, still gazing at the direction Naruto took off in.

_Flashback end_

'I hope he's okay...' Sakura tilted her head to the side and thought of any other places he could be.

* * *

"Baa-chan?" Tsunade looked up to see, what looked like, a rather fragile Naruto. The golden tanned skin the boy once donned was now rather pale. His eyes seemed to be in a different place. His body structure itself seemed to lacking some mass. He looked weak and faint.

"Naruto, my god, what has happened to you?" She rose from her desk and walk towards the boy, placing her hands on his shoulders. Naruto looked down and started to cry.

"I'm scared Baa-chan. I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep having these nightmares, but their so real. I feel like I'm actually there."

"Naruto everyone has dreams whether they are bad or good." Tsunade said rubbing his shoulders. She knew the situation was than a simple nightmare. The boy look like a complete wreck.

"You don't understand." He whispered.

"Then help me understand, Naruto. Tell me what's wrong."

"In every one of these dreams Sakura always dies."

* * *

Yamanaka Inoichi sighed and knocked on the door before him.

"Come in." He opened the door to see Tsunade with her hands clasped in front of her mouth. The Hokage gestured for the blond haired man to sit down.

"Yamanaka-san, this is an informal meeting and off the record. What is spoken of in this room does not leave it. Do you understand? Now how did Naruto's psychiatric evaluation go."

"Tsunade-sama, the boy is a complete mess. When I first entered his mind I could already sense foul play at hand. The demon within the boy is inducing these nightmares, but only by a partial extent."

"What do you mean 'partial'?"

"Well, it would seem that while the fox does force these dreams with information from his memories, he does nothing more. Naruto has complete reign of all actions and events that occur. Place, date, time, people who are there, and what they do is all up to him. The demon is giving him the ability to have dreams that seem so realistic it would cause symptoms like shock, sleeplessness, and fear. I witnessed some of a dream and it's extremely detailed. These type of dreams are not normal in an average human being's mind. It's like all of his greatest fears are becoming real right before his own eyes."

"Why would he re-imagine all of his fears?"

"I don't know. I mean, my guess would have to be a certain event in the past triggered the nightmares that he's forcing himself to watch. I noticed that wasn't all. Locked in the depths and recesses of his mind are extreme feelings of depression, neglect, and anger. This is years and years of torment, but not from physical pain. It's all psychological and emotional." Inoichi breathed deeply and continued. "Take his current condition, add the depression and anger from his past, and couple it with the psychosomatic illness caused by being chased by a group like Akatsuki and you have yourself an extremely self-destructive path." Inoichi sighed once again. He sharpened his gaze and stared Tsunade right in the eyes. "It's seems to me like he's trying to tear himself apart."

"Naruto does not realize that his own mentality is causing this damage."

"Yes. I believe the that all the factors that are against finally snapped his subconscious in half. Naruto's mind is trying to rid his problems by ending his own life."

"As of right now, what is our best course of action with all factors taken into account?"

"First, no strenuous situations, or any missions at all. Secondly, he should have someone to comfort him at times. Thirdly, he cannot be directly confronted with the problem at hand. It might put more strain on him, and if he were to know, the demon might take action. He has to know what he has to live for before the fox can try to prove us wrong."

"Thank you, Yamanaka-san. You may go." Inoichi rose from his seat and headed to the door. As he reached for the handle, he stopped himself. The blond man looked hesitant but spoke.

"Tsunade-sama, I know you specifically told me not to observe the dreams fully from the boys mind, but maybe if I knew more about them I could help. These dreams are most likely focused around the trigger that is causing them or at least related in some way."

"I believe I said you were dismissed." Tsunade stated firmly in tone. The man bowed and left. "Shizune! Send for Yamato."

* * *

Kakashi opened his eyes at the sound of knocking on his door. 'Damn it! What the hell could these people want. I just got out of the hospital.' The masked man walked to the door and opened it to find one of his own students. "Sakura? What are you doing here?" He questioned with a curious eye. She looked down and shuffled her feet.

"Kakashi-sensei, I can't find Naruto anywhere. I've checked all of his usual spots. Not a single clue as to where he could be. I'm a little worried." She waited a moment for a response and looked up to see the man stuck in his own world of smut. "Kakashi-sensei!"

"Hmm...? Oh, yes. Look Sakura, why don't you go ask Tsunade-sama. I have some other things to attend to." Her teacher then proceeded to close the door in her face. Sakura had to restrain herself from punching the door down and strangling him, but she too had other business to attend to.

* * *

Jiraiya jumped onto the window ledge and leaned against the frame. "Tsunade care to explain why my student is in the hospital?" He eyed her carefully as the Hokage stood and turned around to see the overview of the city.

"His psyche was checked." Tsunade raised her hands and massaged her temples.

"Good or bad?" Jiraiya asked frowning.

"Bad Jiraiya, very bad."

Yamato opened the door and bowed before the sannins. "You summoned Hokage-sama?"

The 5th Hokage turned around and stared straight at the team leader. "Yamato, between the time of the return of Uzumaki Naruto and now, I need all mission reports within that time period. We are going to review each one, personally. I want to know each and every detail of each mission starting with the latest mission." She announced with a stern face.

"Hai! Hokage-sama." Yamato obeyed and left to retrieve the reports.

"You gonna tell me what exactly is going on?" Jiraiya questioned with a somewhat frightened curiosity.

* * *

"That has to be it. Nothing else makes sense." Tsunade spoke as her eyes scanned over the report.

"Yes, it seems so. I guess I shouldn't have told him." Yamato nodded his head in agreement.

"The fox almost killed her at the Tenchi bridge, and Naruto loves the girl, so it makes sense that it would take this kind of toll on him." Jiraiya said.

"Well, now the fox is trying to kill him." Tsunade turned her head to Jiraiya.

"Do you remember when I told you of the second time I almost died?"

"Yes." The others responded in unison.

"I don't believe I ever told you the whole story..."

_Flashback_

"Jiraiya-domo... Where are you?" The Kyuubi growled out in sarcasm. He slowly walked through the surrounding trees looking for the sannin. Jiraiya clutched his stomach in pain as blood continued to leak past his hands. The white haired man leaned against a tree fighting back grunts of pain. "C'mon Jiraiya you're not mad at me for making your student kill himself right?" The fox yelled out in a sinister laugh.

"Look where you are now, Kyuubi! Locked in a boy you most likely loathe and despair. You will die, Kyuubi." Jiraiya faintly laughed aloud, but soon regretted as pain shot throughout his body.

"SHOW YOURSELF YOU MORTAL!" The fox roared in fury, cutting down trees in a rage. He came to a slow halt and laughed. "No matter. This boy's will is withering."

"Naruto's stronger than you'll ever be mentally and physically." Jiraiya yelled.

"Oh, but Jiraiya you don't know him like I do. You don't see the visions that I see. There are moments that make me proud to be put in a human with such hatred. His perception of life is bleak and obscured." The Kyuubi paused and grinned. "Shit, he's almost as demented as me."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Jiraiya whispered with a heavy voice.

"Jiraiya-baka, I live in the boy. I think I do. The number of times I've felt him want to rip that Uchiha limb from limb, but he always holds back. That damn girl is the reason he is weak." The Kyuubi sniffed the air as it was thick with the smell of blood. "Found you, Jiraiya." He raised his claw and swung. An explosion boomed through and as the dust settled all surrounding trees of the sannin were gone.

The fox walked up to the sannin and leaned down towards the man's face. "Death is at your door, Jiraiya-san." The sannin slowly raised his arm and merely slapped the demon's forehead.

"Ha! What the hell was that old man?"The Kyuubi laughed aloud.

"Seal..." Jiraiya faintly whispered and opened his palm to reveal a piece of paper containing a seal.

The demon fell to his knees and roared aloud. "Just you wait Jiraiya! This boy is mine." Naruto fell to the floor with a thud.

_Flashback End_

"The Kyuubi was just waiting for the perfect moment. I truly thought it was all just threats." Jiraiya rubbed the back of his head as he looked down.

"It doesn't matter. What's done is done. Inoichi recommended we get someone who can check his psyche. The person most likely should be at least an acquaintance."

"His daughter, Yamanaka Ino." The sannins turned their heads to the team leader with a questioning look. "From what I know they're already acquainted with each other and she can perform the evaluations."

* * *

I breathed in the air and it was stale and warm. The sounds of dripping water entered my ears. There was a strong breeze that flowed through. I listened for anything else, but there was just dripping water. It was dark, warm and stuffy. Then it went silent. There were no sounds, no lights.

Nothing

"Hello, Boy." A voice bellowed out.

I opened my eyes.

* * *

Author's Note: So, yeah, there it is. Chapter One. The timeline is I'd say around 1 month after the Tenchi Bridge incident where Naruto(4 tailed) and Oro fight.

It feels like a lot of dialogue, and it probably is considering that part with Inoichi. I think it will become a little bit more action and less dialogue. I don't know, I'm kinda winging it here. It's all in thoughts not paper. Also, how Jiraiya escapes the Kyuubi's clutches seems a bit lame and makeshift, but he also seems conceited enough to where he wouldn't see it coming. Maybe it's just me.

I'm a bit rusty, but don't worry I'm shaking it off. I can already feel and see some of my problems I just have to work on them now. Any help would be much appreciated. Constructive Criticism is always welcome here.

This is to be a NaruSaku.


	2. Who Cares?

_A/N: I'd like to thank EVERYONE(7 People) who reviewed for their encouraging reviews. It's one of the reasons that I keep going and I think all writers strive on their reviews._

_Thank you to EarthBorn0, Kid74c, Roku-and-Saku, raeberry, HAzArdrOxS, NarutoRocks21113043, and Yes for your reviews on Chapter 1._

_On a side note before we start the story. I actually deleted the story from my computer by accident. I signed onto Fanfiction and to my suprise the files in document manager had 1 day of life. So, I took it as a sign from god that he needs me to finish this story. That being the case, everyone say thank you to the big guy, tonight, before you go to bed. Unless you don't believe in him, then I understand._

Tearing Myself Apart

Chapter Two: Who Cares?

* * *

Sakura walked up the stairs to the Hokage office. As she ascended the steps there stood Shizune. The dark haired woman noticed the pinkette and hurried towards her.

"Sakura-san, Tsunade-sama has been meaning to talk with you, so please hurry to her office." With those words said the brunette hurried down the stairs. Sakura continued to the door and knocked.

"Come in." Sakura entered to see the sight of Tsunade filling out various paperwork. The Hokage looked up to see her apprentice with a slightly distressed face. "I pretty much already know why you're here. Naruto is at the hospital." The blond stated. Sakura's emerald eyes widened in surprise.

"Why is he there?" Sakura asked slowly as worry began to creep into her chest.

"He's sick. Very sick. I don't know if it's a good idea for you to see him, but I leave it up to you. Don't want to worry you." She nonchalantly raised her hand and shooed away her student. She watched as the pinkette walked away.

'I hope this isn't a bad idea.' Her train of though was interrupted by another set of knocks.

"Come in." The person walked up to the desk and bowed.

"You requested me, Hokage-sama?"

"Ah, yes. Yamanaka Ino, I have an assignment for you."

* * *

"Hello, boy."

I stared at the cage before me. Behind the large bars there was nothing but pure darkness. I took small meager steps forward and peered in. Two large red eyes that emanated nothing but pure malice opened. A set of teeth shone brightly in the dark. The face seemed to be mocking me with a rather large grin.

"What do you want?" I spoke in annoyance.

"Well, let's get straight to the point then. Tear off the seal." The fox stated, bluntly, in voice that almost implied like he had his fingers crossed.

"Not in your lifetime, asshole." I scoffed and flipped the fox the middle finger.

"Why not?" The Kyuubi laughed aloud.

"I think that's pretty obvious." I glared at the fox.

"That's right I'll hurt your friends and village. The village that won't even let you have a decent home, or sell you proper food. The citizens of Konoha are all just bustling to thank Uzumaki Naruto." He said in a mock voice.

"That's all your FAULT!" My rage seethed off me in waves. "My life's troubles are all your fault. Nothing would be like this had you not been sealed in me. I never did anything to deserve this." I yelled out into the cage.

"YET, YOU HAVE ME HERE, KID. YOU THINK ANYBODY FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOU?" The Kyuubi roared out. "It's been 15 years since I attacked this very village. Yet, they still treat you like it happened yesterday. They talk behind your back Naruto. They compare you to me. You have been a loyal ninja since the day you were born, and even after all this time they share no respect." A red chakra mist seeped through the gates that led to an abyss. It slowly began to envelope me.

I took a step back and began to doubt myself. Everything the Kyuubi said was completely true. I still wasn't trusted by the council. Every time I housed elsewhere the place was either vandalized or mobs chased me out. I was and _still_ am shunned by the society of this village.

"I did nothing wrong. I never killed their families. I never burned their homes. I never destroyed their village." I spoke with a somewhat melancholy voice as if trying to convince myself the villagers knew the difference.

"You may as well have because they," The Kyuubi paused and smiled. "Can't tell the difference."

"Yes, they can." I looked up with some resolve. I had friends. I had family. "Kakashi, Sakura, Tsunade, Jiraiya, Shikamaru, Chouji, Kiba, Hinata, Ino. They can all tell the difference!"

"You're so naive. You think a few people of the village change the fact that the village, as a whole, still hates you? Nothing will change, not matter what you do. So, let me help you, by ripping them to shreds. I can kill those who hurt you in the past. Kid, don't forget about the best part." The Kyuubi grinned and continued. " I just love the story about how you got those whiskers."

_Flashback_

A young Naruto sat in his room at the orphanage during the time the kids were allowed outside. He avoided the outside play time due to some of the other kids having a habit of beating on him. The caretaker allowed him his own room because of the other kids. They were often exceptionally hard on Naruto.

"Hey, your not supposed to be in here!" Naruto heard the voice of the caretaker. The blond boy crawled to his door and peeked out. Naruto saw a tall man who grabbed the caretaker by the shirt and held a knife to his throat down the hall.

"Where is he?!" The man shouted with fury. The caretaker raised his arm shakily and pointed at the door down the hall. Naruto eyes widened as he realized the tall man was headed towards him. The boy crawled under his bed as black boots entered through door. He panted heavily as the man walked around the room. He then dropped to his knees and looked under the bed. He smirked as when he caught sight of the boy.

"Hello." He smiled and grabbed Naruto by the arm and dragged him from out under the bed. "Heh, I was about your age when the Kyuubi attacked." He pushed Naruto onto the bed and pinned him down. The blade was raised and pressed against Naruto's cheek. "I often think about them, and what my life could of been, but you've taken that from me..."

His smile was sinister. The man was surely insane. "The village suffered some damage, and some buildings collapsed. One of them was ours. I was the only survivor. I try not to think of them. I try not to remember how it happened or why I must suffer, but I do. My family is dead now. I'm going to give you something to let everyone know what you are, what you did to this village, to me, and to my family."

"Otoo-san," Naruto screamed as the blade sliced deeply through his flesh.

"Okaa-san, oji-san," The man sliced Naruto's cheek two more _times_. Blood ran down the sides of his face seeping into Naruto's hair and his attacker's hands.

"Akio and Hotaka, my ototou," The man was crying as he started on Naruto's other cheek.

"My imooto," The man was now sobbing as he placed the knife on Naruto's cheek. "Kiku."

He cut.

* * *

"LET ME GO! I DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE!" Naruto rose from his bed thrashing at the doctors and nurses that surrounded him.

"Kid, you got to calm down. We just want to help you." The doctor spoke in a sincere voice. For a moment, and only for a moment, Naruto actually believed someone cared.

_'They compare you to me.'_

"No you don't!"

"Kid, listen, we don't want to harm you in any way, but you've got to calm down or we'll have to force you to calm down."

_'let everyone know what you are'_

"Why can't you people just let me go!?"The doctor quickly order the others to restrain the frantic boy. Naruto was tackled and held against the bed, and as strong as he was, he felt so weak at that moment. As he struggled he caught glimpse of the needle in the doctor's hands, and only cause him to panic more. The needle was raised and pressed into his neck.

"Please, just let me go..." The sentence almost unfinished as the effects of the drug finally took hold.

Naruto slowly opened his eyes and observed the white ceiling in front of him. Tears formed at the rim of his eyes until they dropped and streamed down his cheeks. There were no sobs, no loud yells of anguish, or despair. There was only tears.

_'I could have healed those right up without the scars, but I just thought that blood drenched face of an nine year old Naruto was just TOO adorable.'_ The demonic voice echoed through his head but paid no attention.

'Oji-san,' That had been the day when the Hokage deemed it better, and far safer, for Naruto to live on his own. The Hokage took him through the town, and together they checked various houses that he could live in. In the end, Naruto ended up picking a house near the Uchiha compound. The area was more or less deserted after the incident, considering it's past.

Sakura peeked through the cracked door, watching as Naruto traced the scars of his face. She never had asked how he got them, but had always assumed that the scars were a mark of his tenant. She continued to observe him as he traced the thin lines on his face. The girl then realized that he was crying, noticing the streaks across his face.

"Naruto?" The boy's eyes widened as he realized who it was. He quickly wiped he face clean. The boys eyes were red and he seemed exhausted.

"Hiya, Sakura-chan." The voice was timid and weak. Cerulean eyes were pointed away towards his hands that rested on his lap. Her jaw clenched as he still refused to look at her. Naruto was her teammate. There was no reason for him to act like this.

"Look at me." She muttered under her breath.

"Wha...?" The boy could only hear a quick mumble of words before he tried to reply.

"Look at me!" She yelled out in confusion and frustration. There in the atmosphere, now lie a thick tension. The blond boy's eyes raised to meet hers. Then all he could see was his nightmares, green eyes frantically searching for help. He felt his chest becoming tighter and his breaths became short and labored.

Sakura noticed the sudden change of demeanor and approached him. She sat on his bed next to him. She placed her hand on his. At first contact, he could only flinch, but Sakura then grasped his hand firmly and locked fingers with him. The feeling was so foreign and different to Naruto. There was only one way he could really describe this unknown feeling. Warmth. The feeling spread through his senses. He became a bit more comfortable with Sakura, as well as with himself.

She could only smile as she took notice of the slight confusion that adorned Naruto's face. The pinkette, not sure if she was guided by instinct or emotion, then hugged the blond boy, resting her chin on his shoulder. His big blue eyes could only widened at the obvious sign of affection. His figure then slowly eased into the hug by wrapping his own arms around her.

"Go back to sleep, Naruto." She whispered into his ear.

He replied with a slight nod, and closed his eyes. She rose from her sitting and turned to face Naruto once more. The girl closed the distance between them and gave him a chaste kiss upon his forehead.

"Sweet Dreams, Naruto."

_If only she knew._

* * *

_A/N: Short, I know. I'm actually a little confused as to why you're even reading my story. You must have realized by now that updates are few and far in between._

_1.) I'm not dead in a ditch. That's a good thing._

_2.) I do work on the story every now and then, and most of you are wondering 'Why the fuck does it take this guy 2 (or was it 3, eh, who keeps track anyway) months to type 2000 words. Well, unfortunately, I've been fighting a losing battle with most of my classes. I'm not dumb, just extremely lazy. I also have an angry attendance liaison on my ass 24/7(Metaphorically). I will try to work on the story a bit more frequently now, but that doesn't mean anything. It just means that the chances of a chapter coming out sooner are possible._

_3.) I actually feel good about this chapter. I think it came out pretty decent aside from all the shortness. I bet it took you life 2 minutes to read it._

_4.__) I'm still displeased as how chapter uno came out, so I will be going over it and editing until I rid my self of the prefix I used on the third word of this run-on sentence._

_5.) The next chapter will be tuns of funs with some SasuSaku action and NaruHina. Or did I mix those up. I'm not sure. Maybe someone reviewing my story and reminding me what it was about would jog my memory of proper pairings, unless... you want this story to be littered with lemons with all the wrong people. Your choice, not mine. Oh wait, yeah it is. lol_


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